Or so says Harry Potter’s Marauder’s Map. So if Harry has a map here is a map to think about what to do and not do with your own bad behaviour as a grandparent.
Doing the ‘ well it won’t matter if I give them’ ..is Nanny’s prerogative. Or is it? Oh it is sooooo very tempting and to be honest I think if you asked my daughter she would say that some of the things I do would not be her chosen approach.
Licking the bowl
After making cakes licking the bowl was a treat but it was met with a
“why cakes Mum, why are you teaching him to make cakes especially when you tell me how bad sugar is for us all?”
But my Nanny did it with me. It is so hard to separate the feeling of love and warmth with the task. I actually found my grandson would taste test anything. It did not have to be cake mix. I coped even though it felt different.
Playing pillow fights
My younger brother and I would bounce on our sprung bed working up a good rhythm while swinging our pillows at each other. They were feather filled and the mess when they burst was enormous. We collapsed with a mix of sneezing and laughter,… Until Mum arrived. We had to clear up before Dad got home or else. We did. Our pillows got thinner and thinner but were never replaced. No money for that. My daughter judged this as harmless. Our pillows were our risk. The boys know these are ‘Nanny mischief ‘only, never at their home.
BUT there are many more things which she or her husband would be very unhappy about if we passed on the practice into our the next generation. Their parents see the boys rolling and grumbling and crying and complaining as the lead into worse and worse behaviour towards each other. We saw this as rough play. But it was placed on the ‘no go’ list. We have respected it.
Parents choice not ours
It is really not fair, however tempting to do anything with or to a wee man that his parents would seriously object to and for their own reasons. Whether we think they are good reasons or not is not the point. The children are theirs not ours and their rules have to take precedent however odd they may seem to us at times.
Parents informed choices
There is so much more education around about parenting than every there was when I began the journey so our children are not as ignorant as we were.
- Respect parents and their strategies.
- Help if asked with new ideas
- Provide well founded evidence if you want to stand by your ‘cross-the-generation’ proposal… Not the ‘it didn’t do me any harm’ argument.